I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
