I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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