How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Text me some of your sweat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
