Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
