When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
