Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
