Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Buhtt sex?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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