Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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