things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
