You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
