didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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