I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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