pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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