pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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