She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
