I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
