You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
