Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
