I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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