he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
