If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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