she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
