i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
only you would photoshop your dick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
