How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize