I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
