Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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