Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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