I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
