How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
