I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize