He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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