I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
