So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
