Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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