I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
