Even water is tasting like jack daniels
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
