I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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