I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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