You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
