i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
