ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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