Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
