Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
