nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
