Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
