I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
