I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
