My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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