this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
