A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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