In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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