Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
