so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
