at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
