Sry I called you an 8
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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