I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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