Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
