TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
