I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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