She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want nice things and good sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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