the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
