I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
