Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
where am i from again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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