im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
