Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
