now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize