could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
