Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
