she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
