she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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