Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
