Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
