A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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