Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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