well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
