shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
