I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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